Pushback

How to Get What You Want: The Four P's

excerpts of an article by Martha Beck, read all here

"Because I am capable of making only small moves toward personal improvement, I find it helpful to break down the process of clarifying desire into steps. I call them the four Ps: Pushback, Possibilities, Preferences, and Pinpointing.

Step 1: Pushback

While visiting China, I heard a story of a wise man there who taught his acolytes by holding a little songbird on his finger. When the bird tried to leave, he'd drop his hand so it couldn't get enough lift to fly away. Lesson: The ability to soar often depends on pushing back against something you don't want.

...

The more specific you are about what upsets you, and why, the clearer you can make your desires."